The Storm Inside

[Verse 1] I wake up and I wait a while, Before I know which body is mine. Is this a good day, can I stand? Or has the pain already changed the plan? Yesterday I said that I’d be there, Today I’m fighting just to leave this chair. Another message that I hate to send, “I’m sorry, can we change the plans again?” And I know how it looks from the outside, Another excuse, another changed mind. But I’d give anything to just get dressed, Walk out that door like everybody else. [Pre-Chorus] I didn’t choose to let you down, I didn’t choose to disappear. Sometimes my body makes the choices Before I even get a say in here. [Chorus] So I put a smile on through the storm inside, Say “I’m alright” when I’m barely getting by. There’s a war going on that you’ll never see, Between the life that I want and what my body lets me be. I make plans, I make promises, I swear I really try, But everything can change in the blink of an eye. Still I get back up whenever I can, Trying to live a normal life with a body that has other plans. [Verse 2] Halfway through a sentence, there it goes, The simplest word that I should know. I see it somewhere in the back of my mind, But the harder I search, the harder it is to find. And you’re waiting there for me to speak, Seconds feel like hours when my brain gets weak. You think I’m ignoring you, maybe I don’t care, But I’m trapped behind the fog, trying to get there. Sometimes your name lights up my phone, And I see it ringing while I’m lying alone. I want to answer, I really do, But even saying “hello” feels like too much to push through. [Pre-Chorus] It isn’t that I’ve got nothing to say, Or that you don’t matter to me. Some days every drop of energy Is spent on simply trying to be. [Chorus] So I put a smile on through the storm inside, Say “I’m alright” when I’m barely getting by. There’s a war going on that you’ll never see, Between the life that I want and what my body lets me be. I make plans, I make promises, I swear I really try, But everything can change in the blink of an eye. Still I get back up whenever I can, Trying to live a normal life with a body that has other plans. [Verse 3] The television plays across the room, Another episode disappears too soon. I’ve watched for hours, or so it seems, But ask what happened and I couldn’t tell you a thing. My eyes were open, but I wasn’t there, Lost somewhere underneath the tiredness and pain. The world keeps moving at its usual speed, While I’m measuring out every little thing I need. A shower, a phone call, walking downstairs, Things nobody thinks about until getting there Feels like climbing a mountain nobody can see, Then wondering why the smallest thing has taken everything from me. [Bridge – stripped back] And some people leave. They stop asking. Stop calling. Stop believing you when you say you tried. Because how do you explain That you wanted to go? That you got your clothes ready? That you pictured yourself there? Then your body said no. And no amount of wanting Could make it say yes. [Build] So if I cancel, please don’t think I don’t care. If I go quiet, please know I’m still there. If I lose my words, give me time to find them. There’s still a person underneath all this fighting. [Final Chorus] And I’ll put my smile on through the storm inside, Not because it doesn’t hurt, not because I’m fine. But because every single day I’m still here trying, Even on the days when existing feels like fighting. I’ll make plans even knowing they might change, I’ll keep reaching for a life beyond the pain. I don’t need you to fix me or tell me who I am, Just understand I’m doing everything I can. There’s a storm inside that I fight every day, And some days surviving takes everything away. But whenever my body gives me half a chance, I’ll grab hold of life with both of my hands. [Outro] Tomorrow might be good. Tomorrow might be bad. I won’t know until I open my eyes. But I’ll wake up. And I’ll try.